Turning to God

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As it has become apparent to anyone who has read my last blog post, the old pattern of my life has changed completely.

I am reminded of a book written by Neale Donald Walsch called, “When everything Changes; Change Everything”.

Though I didn’t read that book in its entirety, the title alone makes clear the opportunity which lies in front of me.

The last few weeks has been a mixture of faith and sorrow; pain and acceptance; fear and Trust. Even now I know I am at the “up-swing” of this emotional and spiritual pendulum. It could be different in the morning; or even in a few moments from now.

I just recently woke from a nap, brought on by the need to “shutdown” for a bit. My mind and heart had coalesced into a state of intense anxiety and fear. I didn’t think I was strong enough to endure this part of my journey. I wanted to run back to the way things used to be, a place where I knew comfort and routine.

Though, it seems, that’s not where life wants me to be.

I have tried several times to meditate, but my mind has been too noisy. I just have not been able to find a still moment, even though I am literally surrounded by intense, still nature (currently living in Tobermory, ON).

I know that turning within; turning to God is the only meaningful decision I can make right now.

I’ve turned to the learning of the world; to the things outside of me for meaning, direction, and purpose. And look where that got me.

In my lowest moments, I need to remember that this part of my journey is a blessing. I am afforded a great opportunity to quiet the noise in my mind, to still the troubled waters of my heart, and to finally know peace through and through.

I need to stop looking at form and rest in the content of Gods Love.

It was easy when life was comfortable.

It is terrifying (and ultimately freeing) when its not.

Amen.

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